Having To Prove Myself

My husband wants us to move to England. He has wanted this for a while, and it looks like it may become a reality. I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand, the small part of me that likes adventure and a change of scenery is embracing the opportunity. On the other hand, the larger part of me that fears whatever is new and unknown is running the other way, screaming.

If I were 21 again, fresh out of college, this decision would be much easier. I would travel to another country to live and work there, no problem! In fact, it’s something I regret not having done. However, at 28, I’ve invested time and hard work into my life and career. I don’t want to start at the bottom again.

Also, there is one other thing. Over the years, I have had to prove myself to people on three counts: because of my young age, because I am a minority, and because I am a woman. I’ve had to do this in everyday life, but mostly in the workplace. Moving to another country means that I would have to prove myself all over again not only on these three aspects of myself, but also as an American.

I don’t know what people in England think about Americans, whether they love us or hate us, but either way, the minute I open my mouth, people will see that I am American and judge me for it. They will see it all: my youth, my skin, my sex, and my birth country, all rolled into one neat little package, ready to be ripped to shreds.

Ok, maybe I’m overreacting a little. Perhaps I am making this into a bigger deal than it has to be. I’m putting too much pressure on myself. This is probably just that part of myself that is running scared and is putting all these crazy ideas into my head. But my nerves have to materialize in some shape or form, right?

What am I so scared of? I have faced many people who have passed judgment on me, and I have succeeded, regardless of what they thought of me. And who cares what they think anyway? I just need to stay focused, and face the challenges this move may bring my way one at a time.

Elevator Revelation

So there's a guy in front of me in the elevator, and he keeps pressing the "Door Close" button but people keep running into the elevator just as the doors are closing.  They stick a hand in right at the last second: a purse, a leg, anything just to catch what feels like the last functioning elevator on Earth.  It happened about four times and you could see the impatience growing in this guy as he continues to press the "Door Close" button after each interruption.  I kept watching him, feeling a bit disgusted at his human nature, but then I stopped and remembered that I've done the same thing and felt just as annoyed as he must be feeling, especially when I've been in a rush.  It brought me back to Psych 101 all over again: the traits you most dislike in other people are the same traits you dislike the most in yourself. 
This is so true.
I wish I had more patience with people.  I have lots of patience for children, and for a select few others, but that's about it.  Back in that elevator moment, I thought to myself that maybe I should try to be more patient because that really wasn't a good look for that guy.  It didn't make him seem very nice, although he may actually have been a saint of a man and was just having a bad day.  I supposed that I could try to be more patient, but let's face it: I can't always be in a good mood, and little things might piss me off occasionally, as hard as I may try not to let it bother me.  And if I'm PMS'ing, then it's really over. I honestly can't help that!
I guess my point is, the next time you dislike or judge someone, think about why you are doing so.  You might just learn a little about yourself in the process.  Even if you don't end up doing anything about it.