Everyone says having children is worth it, but is it really? I have been struggling with this decision, and I have yet to come to a conclusion.
Since I was a little girl, I used to dream about having children: what they would look like, what I would name them, what their personalities would be (beautiful, Julie/Ricardo, and outgoing, in case you were wondering!). I continued having these dreams until about a year ago, when I moved out of my parent’s house and moved in with my newly acquired husband. It has nothing to do with how much I love my husband, but it has everything to do with how much I love my free time.
If we decide not to have children, my husband and I will have more time to spend together, just the two of us, which I love. We could travel alone to different places, and go out anytime we feel like it. Our free time could be spent however we choose; our only obligations would be to each other.
Also, we wouldn’t have to worry about the extra expense of a child. We could probably afford more of the things we want, without having to spend money on diapers, baby food, clothing, and toys. And we would definitely be able to save more money as well.
Another aspect to consider is that I’m a professional, not a stay-at-home wife. I work 8am to 4:30pm, five days a week, and my commute is long and arduous. I don’t know how all you working mothers do it, and I give you much respect, because I come home so tired I don’t even feel like walking the dog, much less have the energy to take care of a baby!
However, if I don’t have a child, I will never know what it is to be a mother. I will never know for sure how my kids would have turned out (although it goes without saying that they’d be the smartest little kids on the planet!). I will never experience the love between a mother and child, which is different from the love between a husband and wife.
This decision might be easier if I didn’t have to worry about having to balance work, family, and a household (because let’s face it, he helps out, but the unfortunate expectation is that I’m the one who should be doing most of the cooking, cleaning, and organizing. But this is a whole different blog topic altogether!)
You may wonder what my husband has to say about all this, and he is definitely pushing for the ‘No kids’ verdict. However, he has left the choice up to me. He would rather not, but if I want it badly enough, he would not be opposed. Mostly, he really doesn’t want one right now. There’s just so much we want to do first! And I’m only 27, so I suppose I have time on my side.
I’ve heard it said that if you keep waiting for the perfect time to have a child, you’ll never end up having one. I think that if you truly want a child, you would never let this happen. However, if you’re having doubts, like I am, then this popular saying can easily become a real possibility.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
The Young and the Stupid
There’s a reason why people say the phrase “Back when I was young and stupid” when referring to their teenage years and early twenties. It’s because we really were young and stupid. Back then, we thought we were the shit. While we were vaguely aware of danger, we were sure that nothing could ever happen to us. Our minds couldn’t process any consequences to our actions, or if they could, we didn’t take them very seriously. There is actual biological evidence to verify this fact: our brains continue to develop until we reach our mid-twenties, and that ‘logical reasoning’ part of our brain is the last to fully develop.
I’m sure we could all think of stupid things we did as adolescents that we would think twice about doing now. However small it may be.
For example, I was 21 when I started dating my now-husband, and I remember that dancing was the most important thing to me. It still is important to me, but it’s definitely not in my top 3 anymore. Meanwhile, my husband has never been a fan. Well, that didn’t stop me from dancing with other guys in front of him whenever I dragged him to a club. I figured, “Hey, if he doesn’t want to dance with me, then that’s his own fault, and if I love to dance, well then I’m gonna dance damn it!”
Now, while it is important to continue to enjoy activities we are passionate about, I definitely wouldn’t act in the same way now. If I’m at a club by myself, then I’ll still dance with other guys, but it’s only for the simple joy that dancing gives me. I’m not looking to impress anybody because I’m happy being with my husband. However, if I am at a club with my significant other, I wouldn’t do that because I’m there with him, not by myself, so I shouldn’t act like I am by myself. Do you follow?
I shudder to think how I could have done that to my husband years ago while we were dating, and wonder at how and why he didn’t break up with me right then and there. I guess he was still young and stupid too.
A friend of mine recently broke up with a girl much younger than him, a girl who was just about to turn 21. Why? Because she was still growing up, while we have already reached a different stage in our lives. A life where going out and partying isn’t the most important thing anymore, but it’s about just enjoying life, and learning about its simpler pleasures. Like staying home watching a movie with your hubby while eating your favorite meal with a glass of wine.
I’m sure we could all think of stupid things we did as adolescents that we would think twice about doing now. However small it may be.
For example, I was 21 when I started dating my now-husband, and I remember that dancing was the most important thing to me. It still is important to me, but it’s definitely not in my top 3 anymore. Meanwhile, my husband has never been a fan. Well, that didn’t stop me from dancing with other guys in front of him whenever I dragged him to a club. I figured, “Hey, if he doesn’t want to dance with me, then that’s his own fault, and if I love to dance, well then I’m gonna dance damn it!”
Now, while it is important to continue to enjoy activities we are passionate about, I definitely wouldn’t act in the same way now. If I’m at a club by myself, then I’ll still dance with other guys, but it’s only for the simple joy that dancing gives me. I’m not looking to impress anybody because I’m happy being with my husband. However, if I am at a club with my significant other, I wouldn’t do that because I’m there with him, not by myself, so I shouldn’t act like I am by myself. Do you follow?
I shudder to think how I could have done that to my husband years ago while we were dating, and wonder at how and why he didn’t break up with me right then and there. I guess he was still young and stupid too.
A friend of mine recently broke up with a girl much younger than him, a girl who was just about to turn 21. Why? Because she was still growing up, while we have already reached a different stage in our lives. A life where going out and partying isn’t the most important thing anymore, but it’s about just enjoying life, and learning about its simpler pleasures. Like staying home watching a movie with your hubby while eating your favorite meal with a glass of wine.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
My A.A.M. (Aromatic and Auditory Morning) Commute
BUZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
Snooooooze.
BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
Snoooooooooooooze.
Thump!
Hit the floor.
Kicked out of bed.
Wake up!
Morning breath.
Fix that.
Mmmmm….Minty.
Step outside.
Fresh air.
COUGH,
GAG,
COUGH.
Cigarette smoke!
Who the hell is smoking at 7am?
Disgusting!
Up the stairs.
DING!
Hurry!
Into the lightrail.
Urine stench.
Never fails.
Gotta bear it.
Doors SWOOSH!
Gotta get outta there.
Ooh…au bon pain…
Coffee beans and egg sandwiches.
Cram into the Path train.
GASP!
Hold my breath.
Overly-applied perfume.
One spritz
Is enough please!
Snooooooze.
BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
Snoooooooooooooze.
Thump!
Hit the floor.
Kicked out of bed.
Wake up!
Morning breath.
Fix that.
Mmmmm….Minty.
Step outside.
Fresh air.
COUGH,
GAG,
COUGH.
Cigarette smoke!
Who the hell is smoking at 7am?
Disgusting!
Up the stairs.
DING!
Hurry!
Into the lightrail.
Urine stench.
Never fails.
Gotta bear it.
Doors SWOOSH!
Gotta get outta there.
Ooh…au bon pain…
Coffee beans and egg sandwiches.
Cram into the Path train.
GASP!
Hold my breath.
Overly-applied perfume.
One spritz
Is enough please!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
The Thoroughly Thoughtless
A few years ago I remember I was on the bus going home from work, and a really loud obnoxious woman was sitting in front of me. There always seems to be one in every crowd. Especially at workshops, but that's another story.
This woman was talking loudly on the phone the entire time, calling every person she knew, and complaining to each of them about how SLOW the bus was, how LONG it was taking to get there (I believe she used the word "eons"), and how she was gonna have a HEART ATTACK if the bus driver drove any slower.
It was so aggravating to hear her complaining, especially when she complained about the bus driver because I knew he could hear her (who couldn't?). What did she expect? It was rush hour, it was raining, and there was a lot of traffic.
It's so amazing, I couldn't help but think, how a person could be so bored with life that they can't just look out the window and watch the world go by. Any minute without the entertainment of a T.V. screen, a book, a cell phone, a PSP - to some people - is a minute wasted, or a minute spent completely bored. How about using your extra time observing, analyzing, thinking, or wondering? Musing or imagining? Instead of having everything handed to us precooked or prethought up. Thoroughly thoughtless - that's a good way to describe these people.
Welcome everyone, to the world of the Thoroughly Thoughtless! Are you so lazy you can't think of anything yourself? Do you have a nervous breakdown if your mind isn't occupied with garbage 24/7? Do you get headaches whenever there's the slightest problem you can't handle? Do you crave a distraction from the ugliness of reality? Then you've come to the right place!
And the sad thing is, the majority of people (at least here in the U.S) are citizens of the Thoroughly Thoughtless world. I'm not saying we should be zombies and wander around doing nothing all day, but doing that once in a while, when you have the chance, wouldn't hurt.
This woman was talking loudly on the phone the entire time, calling every person she knew, and complaining to each of them about how SLOW the bus was, how LONG it was taking to get there (I believe she used the word "eons"), and how she was gonna have a HEART ATTACK if the bus driver drove any slower.
It was so aggravating to hear her complaining, especially when she complained about the bus driver because I knew he could hear her (who couldn't?). What did she expect? It was rush hour, it was raining, and there was a lot of traffic.
It's so amazing, I couldn't help but think, how a person could be so bored with life that they can't just look out the window and watch the world go by. Any minute without the entertainment of a T.V. screen, a book, a cell phone, a PSP - to some people - is a minute wasted, or a minute spent completely bored. How about using your extra time observing, analyzing, thinking, or wondering? Musing or imagining? Instead of having everything handed to us precooked or prethought up. Thoroughly thoughtless - that's a good way to describe these people.
Welcome everyone, to the world of the Thoroughly Thoughtless! Are you so lazy you can't think of anything yourself? Do you have a nervous breakdown if your mind isn't occupied with garbage 24/7? Do you get headaches whenever there's the slightest problem you can't handle? Do you crave a distraction from the ugliness of reality? Then you've come to the right place!
And the sad thing is, the majority of people (at least here in the U.S) are citizens of the Thoroughly Thoughtless world. I'm not saying we should be zombies and wander around doing nothing all day, but doing that once in a while, when you have the chance, wouldn't hurt.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Pre-Wedding Reflections
So the day is quickly approaching: my wedding day is just three days away. Forecast: 70 degrees and sunny. That should be nice.
Anyway, I’m thinking about the way we will be introduced at the reception: Mr. and Mrs. Rogger Tovar.
Wait a second. What happened to my name? Where did it go?
As I dwell on this, I get the feeling that I’m slowly being swallowed up by him. Okay, maybe not by him, but by his name. From that day forward I will be a Tovar. I will no longer bear my last name, and this is my own decision. My fiance wants me to keep my last name, but I’m actually tired of it. I want something new. But as the day looms closer, the thought of it makes me a bit nervous. Or maybe it’s just the normal jitters one feels before this big day. Either way, it’s starting to feel like I will suddenly cease to exist as soon as I get married.
I’m sure this isn’t true at all, but the idea is just lingering around somewhere in my mind. Will I become someone new? What will this brand-new Tovar act like? Will her personality flaws melt away as soon as the ring is placed on her finger? What will she look like? Will her skin complexion suddenly darken overnight?
Maybe I should take this new name and start off with a clean slate. Kind of like New Year’s Eve, but for the soul. I haven’t made resolutions in years, but I figure why not start right now, with this life-changing event.
I’ll make some resolutions for this new me, Mrs. Tovar. The main one being that I will promise to try and not lose my temper. I believe that I can do this because I have to practice it everyday at work. Which is probably why by the time I get home, I am at my wit’s end. Regardless, this is no excuse, and I will attempt to channel the Zen-like abilities that I use to work with my students into my personal life as well.
The next resolution will be to do one household chore once a day, no matter how small. I’m super exhausted when I get home, but that’s no excuse for being a slob.
And finally, my last resolution will be to tell my fiancé that I love him more often, because ever since we moved in together, I haven’t said it as much as I used to. I want him to know that I still appreciate him, even after all these years.
Anyway, I’m thinking about the way we will be introduced at the reception: Mr. and Mrs. Rogger Tovar.
Wait a second. What happened to my name? Where did it go?
As I dwell on this, I get the feeling that I’m slowly being swallowed up by him. Okay, maybe not by him, but by his name. From that day forward I will be a Tovar. I will no longer bear my last name, and this is my own decision. My fiance wants me to keep my last name, but I’m actually tired of it. I want something new. But as the day looms closer, the thought of it makes me a bit nervous. Or maybe it’s just the normal jitters one feels before this big day. Either way, it’s starting to feel like I will suddenly cease to exist as soon as I get married.
I’m sure this isn’t true at all, but the idea is just lingering around somewhere in my mind. Will I become someone new? What will this brand-new Tovar act like? Will her personality flaws melt away as soon as the ring is placed on her finger? What will she look like? Will her skin complexion suddenly darken overnight?
Maybe I should take this new name and start off with a clean slate. Kind of like New Year’s Eve, but for the soul. I haven’t made resolutions in years, but I figure why not start right now, with this life-changing event.
I’ll make some resolutions for this new me, Mrs. Tovar. The main one being that I will promise to try and not lose my temper. I believe that I can do this because I have to practice it everyday at work. Which is probably why by the time I get home, I am at my wit’s end. Regardless, this is no excuse, and I will attempt to channel the Zen-like abilities that I use to work with my students into my personal life as well.
The next resolution will be to do one household chore once a day, no matter how small. I’m super exhausted when I get home, but that’s no excuse for being a slob.
And finally, my last resolution will be to tell my fiancé that I love him more often, because ever since we moved in together, I haven’t said it as much as I used to. I want him to know that I still appreciate him, even after all these years.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Elevator Revelation
So there's a guy in front of me in the elevator, and he keeps pressing the "Door Close" button but people keep running into the elevator just as the doors are closing. They stick a hand in right at the last second: a purse, a leg, anything just to catch what feels like the last functioning elevator on Earth. It happened about four times and you could see the impatience growing in this guy as he continues to press the "Door Close" button after each interruption. I kept watching him, feeling a bit disgusted at his human nature, but then I stopped and remembered that I've done the same thing and felt just as annoyed as he must be feeling, especially when I've been in a rush. It brought me back to Psych 101 all over again: the traits you most dislike in other people are the same traits you dislike the most in yourself.
This is so true.
I wish I had more patience with people. I have lots of patience for children, and for a select few others, but that's about it. Back in that elevator moment, I thought to myself that maybe I should try to be more patient because that really wasn't a good look for that guy. It didn't make him seem very nice, although he may actually have been a saint of a man and was just having a bad day. I supposed that I could try to be more patient, but let's face it: I can't always be in a good mood, and little things might piss me off occasionally, as hard as I may try not to let it bother me. And if I'm PMS'ing, then it's really over. I honestly can't help that!
I guess my point is, the next time you dislike or judge someone, think about why you are doing so. You might just learn a little about yourself in the process. Even if you don't end up doing anything about it.
This is so true.
I wish I had more patience with people. I have lots of patience for children, and for a select few others, but that's about it. Back in that elevator moment, I thought to myself that maybe I should try to be more patient because that really wasn't a good look for that guy. It didn't make him seem very nice, although he may actually have been a saint of a man and was just having a bad day. I supposed that I could try to be more patient, but let's face it: I can't always be in a good mood, and little things might piss me off occasionally, as hard as I may try not to let it bother me. And if I'm PMS'ing, then it's really over. I honestly can't help that!
I guess my point is, the next time you dislike or judge someone, think about why you are doing so. You might just learn a little about yourself in the process. Even if you don't end up doing anything about it.
Monday, March 1, 2010
After We Die
I hope that when I pass from this life that I will be able to know all I ever wanted to know and I'll finally learn the truth about everything I ever wondered about. I hope it will all be revealed to me in one luminous moment and if I discover anything unpleasant, I wouldn't get mad about it because I'd understand why things happened the way they did. With death I hope comes understanding and finally, peace.
I don't believe in heaven or God. I'm not even sure I believe in what I'm hoping for right now. I think I just want it to be this way. But believing in this gives me some sort of relief, and isn't that the whole reason people believe in this stuff anyway?
I believe in reincarnation, but I hope that before I begin another life, all the answers will be revealed to me from the previous one. Or else it'll feel like I just spent a very long time reading a great book but never got to read the ending where it's all supposed to come together in a glorious finale.
I don't believe in heaven or God. I'm not even sure I believe in what I'm hoping for right now. I think I just want it to be this way. But believing in this gives me some sort of relief, and isn't that the whole reason people believe in this stuff anyway?
I believe in reincarnation, but I hope that before I begin another life, all the answers will be revealed to me from the previous one. Or else it'll feel like I just spent a very long time reading a great book but never got to read the ending where it's all supposed to come together in a glorious finale.
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