To Have or Not To Have...Kids

Everyone says having children is worth it, but is it really? I have been struggling with this decision, and I have yet to come to a conclusion.
Since I was a little girl, I used to dream about having children: what they would look like, what I would name them, what their personalities would be (beautiful, Julie/Ricardo, and outgoing, in case you were wondering!). I continued having these dreams until about a year ago, when I moved out of my parent’s house and moved in with my newly acquired husband. It has nothing to do with how much I love my husband, but it has everything to do with how much I love my free time.
If we decide not to have children, my husband and I will have more time to spend together, just the two of us, which I love. We could travel alone to different places, and go out anytime we feel like it. Our free time could be spent however we choose; our only obligations would be to each other.
Also, we wouldn’t have to worry about the extra expense of a child. We could probably afford more of the things we want, without having to spend money on diapers, baby food, clothing, and toys. And we would definitely be able to save more money as well.
Another aspect to consider is that I’m a professional, not a stay-at-home wife. I work 8am to 4:30pm, five days a week, and my commute is long and arduous. I don’t know how all you working mothers do it, and I give you much respect, because I come home so tired I don’t even feel like walking the dog, much less have the energy to take care of a baby!
However, if I don’t have a child, I will never know what it is to be a mother. I will never know for sure how my kids would have turned out (although it goes without saying that they’d be the smartest little kids on the planet!). I will never experience the love between a mother and child, which is different from the love between a husband and wife.
This decision might be easier if I didn’t have to worry about having to balance work, family, and a household (because let’s face it, he helps out, but the unfortunate expectation is that I’m the one who should be doing most of the cooking, cleaning, and organizing. But this is a whole different blog topic altogether!)
You may wonder what my husband has to say about all this, and he is definitely pushing for the ‘No kids’ verdict. However, he has left the choice up to me. He would rather not, but if I want it badly enough, he would not be opposed. Mostly, he really doesn’t want one right now. There’s just so much we want to do first! And I’m only 27, so I suppose I have time on my side.

I’ve heard it said that if you keep waiting for the perfect time to have a child, you’ll never end up having one. I think that if you truly want a child, you would never let this happen. However, if you’re having doubts, like I am, then this popular saying can easily become a real possibility.

The Young and the Stupid

There’s a reason why people say the phrase “Back when I was young and stupid” when referring to their teenage years and early twenties. It’s because we really were young and stupid. Back then, we thought we were the shit. While we were vaguely aware of danger, we were sure that nothing could ever happen to us. Our minds couldn’t process any consequences to our actions, or if they could, we didn’t take them very seriously. There is actual biological evidence to verify this fact: our brains continue to develop until we reach our mid-twenties, and that ‘logical reasoning’ part of our brain is the last to fully develop.

I’m sure we could all think of stupid things we did as adolescents that we would think twice about doing now. However small it may be.

For example, I was 21 when I started dating my now-husband, and I remember that dancing was the most important thing to me. It still is important to me, but it’s definitely not in my top 3 anymore. Meanwhile, my husband has never been a fan. Well, that didn’t stop me from dancing with other guys in front of him whenever I dragged him to a club. I figured, “Hey, if he doesn’t want to dance with me, then that’s his own fault, and if I love to dance, well then I’m gonna dance damn it!”

Now, while it is important to continue to enjoy activities we are passionate about, I definitely wouldn’t act in the same way now. If I’m at a club by myself, then I’ll still dance with other guys, but it’s only for the simple joy that dancing gives me. I’m not looking to impress anybody because I’m happy being with my husband. However, if I am at a club with my significant other, I wouldn’t do that because I’m there with him, not by myself, so I shouldn’t act like I am by myself. Do you follow?

I shudder to think how I could have done that to my husband years ago while we were dating, and wonder at how and why he didn’t break up with me right then and there.  I guess he was still young and stupid too.

A friend of mine recently broke up with a girl much younger than him, a girl who was just about to turn 21. Why? Because she was still growing up, while we have already reached a different stage in our lives. A life where going out and partying isn’t the most important thing anymore, but it’s about just enjoying life, and learning about its simpler pleasures. Like staying home watching a movie with your hubby while eating your favorite meal with a glass of wine.

My A.A.M. (Aromatic and Auditory Morning) Commute

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Snooooooze.

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Snoooooooooooooze.

Thump!

Hit the floor.

Kicked out of bed.

Wake up!

Morning breath.

Fix that.

Mmmmm….Minty.

Step outside.

Fresh air.

COUGH,
GAG,
COUGH.

Cigarette smoke!

Who the hell is smoking at 7am?

Disgusting!

Up the stairs.

DING!

Hurry!

Into the lightrail.

Urine stench.

Never fails.

Gotta bear it.

Doors SWOOSH!

Gotta get outta there.

Ooh…au bon pain…

Coffee beans and egg sandwiches.

Cram into the Path train.

GASP!

Hold my breath.

Overly-applied perfume.

One spritz

Is enough please!

The Thoroughly Thoughtless

A few years ago I remember I was on the bus going home from work, and a really loud obnoxious woman was sitting in front of me.  There always seems to be one in every crowd.  Especially at workshops, but that's another story.

This woman was talking loudly on the phone the entire time, calling every person she knew, and complaining to each of them about how SLOW the bus was, how LONG it was taking to get there (I believe she used the word "eons"), and how she was gonna have a HEART ATTACK if the bus driver drove any slower.

It was so aggravating to hear her complaining, especially when she complained about the bus driver because I knew he could hear her (who couldn't?).  What did she expect?  It was rush hour, it was raining, and there was a lot of traffic.

It's so amazing, I couldn't help but think, how a person could be so bored with life that they can't just look out the window and watch the world go by.  Any minute without the entertainment of a T.V. screen, a book, a cell phone, a PSP - to some people - is a minute wasted, or a minute spent completely bored.  How about using your extra time observing, analyzing, thinking, or wondering?  Musing or imagining?  Instead of having everything handed to us precooked or prethought up.  Thoroughly thoughtless - that's a good way to describe these people.

Welcome everyone, to the world of the Thoroughly Thoughtless!  Are you so lazy you can't think of anything yourself?  Do you have a nervous breakdown if your mind isn't occupied with garbage 24/7?  Do you get headaches whenever there's the slightest problem you can't handle?   Do you crave a distraction from the ugliness of reality?  Then you've come to the right place!

And the sad thing is, the majority of people (at least here in the U.S) are citizens of the Thoroughly Thoughtless world.  I'm not saying we should be zombies and wander around doing nothing all day, but doing that once in a while, when you have the chance, wouldn't hurt.